Day 8

IMHO (In My Humble Opinion) the giving of gifts and service to the ones you love and whom are closest to you is the most sacred way of living.

We don't always have time, but gestures count too. When it doesn't flow, when one doesn't want to give the gift of time, a smile, touch or energy it is time to question your love.

I feel I got this "dis-ease" of scoliosis due to my "need" for love and understanding, "Hey world, look at me, this is hurting me what you are giving me, please see it, here's the proof, please love me!."

Since then, since I acquired this misalignment of my body's core, my most wanted gift was the gift of love that includes touching my hurting back. Not one of my long-term boyfriend's have GENUINELY wanted to do give me the gift and service of touch where my body begs for it (my back), until I was over being with them. I never had money to pay for someone to give me massage, chiropractic or other care for longer than one session every couple years.

At 37, I realize that healing myself first is of utmost importance, I've known that for a long time, but I've found my way to give myself the gift it needs - praise intention! Maybe soon I will meet someone who wants to love me up, but then I won't "need" it anymore, it'll only be a sweetness, rather than a plea for help and begging for love.

I spoke with a psychic healer a couple years ago. She brought me through visualization meditations over the phone. She saw my back instantly, I did not tell her, she said "I see there is an imbalance in your core", I said yes, and we went on from there. She told me that after this session, the next two weeks I'd need extra loving, support and understanding.....

What happened is my Dad came over, and I was helping a male friend (just friend) with upkeeping his home (cat, etc.) while he was gone for "3 days", well the friend ended up being gone for 17 days, my Dad was at my house and it was too much for me to drive back and forth and skitter around my friend's ULTRA MESSY house. While I was at my friend's house, my leg got locked up, it was the 3rd or 4th time that happened, but this time, it didn't release. I butted my way around my friend's cold apartment with excruciating pain in my hip every move I made so that I could get to a telephone.

I was new in town, this was a new friend, I didn't know many people, I called around, people didn't have cars, they weren't home, or they didn't know how to get where I was. I was wanting to call the ambulance. Finally after several hours of my leg being locked up, I got a hold of a friend who was there and who could help me. She actually helped disabled people for a living, she was very kind and understanding, and we have had deeper relations with each other since.

She helped me pee, helped me into her car and drove me home. My Dad and her both helped me into my house (with excruciating pain), I took a bath to relax and ease the pain then I went to bed, I had a hard time getting into bed with help as well as the bath. I fell asleep. I was very happy I didn't call the ambulance.

The next morning the psychic healer called me and woke me up, my phone was near the bed, I had called her that evening before to see if she could help, but I didn't call the emergency line.

In one minute, she told me to look at my knee and tell it "I don't need this pain to be loved" and within that moment, my leg, hip, knee, sciatic literally popped back into place.

I don't need this pain of scoliosis to be loved. I don't need this pain to receive love. I don't have pain. I can move again like I could when I was in my 20s. I give the gift and service to myself, of somatic lessons, and they work.