It seems I shouldn't be calling each time I do a Somatic Lesson a "day" now because, days have gone by and I haven't done my Somatic Lessons. I consciously took a break one night, went to bed earlier, then the next night I did the same thing, went to bed rather than somatic lesson it, next night I did the somatic lessons a little bit, then I went on a mini-vacation at a hot spring and geyser the next night and after the 3 mile hike into the forest, I tried sleeping on top of a steaming rock, the next night I came back really really tired because I didn't sleep much on the warm rock with the cold wind between the steam but I did the 1.5 hour somatic lessons a little bit out of memory since the book was in my car, then, last night, I decided to sleep again rather than doing the 1.5 hours of somatic lessons at midnight. Now I've caught up on sleep and I have a full day of work today. I hope that I do it tonight, a little bit earlier.... After all, I am going to get more pictures of my back taken on Tuesday when my mom comes over with her camera.... I need to bring back that restful feeling in my spine, where all mechanics are working properly -- I have felt my spine revert a little bit back to having a hump, the hump is more rounded again, less flat, less flexible again.
I read some people's writings on their experience with somatics, many of them go to a practitioner once a week and do some intense somatic lessons there, then they go home and do others - I doubt the 1.5 hours that I have been doing. It started feeling really intense, as my muscles were starting to really be used in another way, like when you go on a 10 mile hike uphill, the next days your legs are sore. That's why I took a break, well now the break has been too long. I did notice on the days where I did the lessons a little in between the breaks that my muscles were still feeling the use and the soreness, almost like stopping for a rest during that 10 mile hike, you don't want to get up again at first, my body has been feeling like it doesn't want to do the lessons, but once I do the lessons, I feel so good....
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
Day 8
IMHO (In My Humble Opinion) the giving of gifts and service to the ones you love and whom are closest to you is the most sacred way of living.
We don't always have time, but gestures count too. When it doesn't flow, when one doesn't want to give the gift of time, a smile, touch or energy it is time to question your love.
I feel I got this "dis-ease" of scoliosis due to my "need" for love and understanding, "Hey world, look at me, this is hurting me what you are giving me, please see it, here's the proof, please love me!."
Since then, since I acquired this misalignment of my body's core, my most wanted gift was the gift of love that includes touching my hurting back. Not one of my long-term boyfriend's have GENUINELY wanted to do give me the gift and service of touch where my body begs for it (my back), until I was over being with them. I never had money to pay for someone to give me massage, chiropractic or other care for longer than one session every couple years.
At 37, I realize that healing myself first is of utmost importance, I've known that for a long time, but I've found my way to give myself the gift it needs - praise intention! Maybe soon I will meet someone who wants to love me up, but then I won't "need" it anymore, it'll only be a sweetness, rather than a plea for help and begging for love.
I spoke with a psychic healer a couple years ago. She brought me through visualization meditations over the phone. She saw my back instantly, I did not tell her, she said "I see there is an imbalance in your core", I said yes, and we went on from there. She told me that after this session, the next two weeks I'd need extra loving, support and understanding.....
What happened is my Dad came over, and I was helping a male friend (just friend) with upkeeping his home (cat, etc.) while he was gone for "3 days", well the friend ended up being gone for 17 days, my Dad was at my house and it was too much for me to drive back and forth and skitter around my friend's ULTRA MESSY house. While I was at my friend's house, my leg got locked up, it was the 3rd or 4th time that happened, but this time, it didn't release. I butted my way around my friend's cold apartment with excruciating pain in my hip every move I made so that I could get to a telephone.
I was new in town, this was a new friend, I didn't know many people, I called around, people didn't have cars, they weren't home, or they didn't know how to get where I was. I was wanting to call the ambulance. Finally after several hours of my leg being locked up, I got a hold of a friend who was there and who could help me. She actually helped disabled people for a living, she was very kind and understanding, and we have had deeper relations with each other since.
She helped me pee, helped me into her car and drove me home. My Dad and her both helped me into my house (with excruciating pain), I took a bath to relax and ease the pain then I went to bed, I had a hard time getting into bed with help as well as the bath. I fell asleep. I was very happy I didn't call the ambulance.
The next morning the psychic healer called me and woke me up, my phone was near the bed, I had called her that evening before to see if she could help, but I didn't call the emergency line.
In one minute, she told me to look at my knee and tell it "I don't need this pain to be loved" and within that moment, my leg, hip, knee, sciatic literally popped back into place.
I don't need this pain of scoliosis to be loved. I don't need this pain to receive love. I don't have pain. I can move again like I could when I was in my 20s. I give the gift and service to myself, of somatic lessons, and they work.
We don't always have time, but gestures count too. When it doesn't flow, when one doesn't want to give the gift of time, a smile, touch or energy it is time to question your love.
I feel I got this "dis-ease" of scoliosis due to my "need" for love and understanding, "Hey world, look at me, this is hurting me what you are giving me, please see it, here's the proof, please love me!."
Since then, since I acquired this misalignment of my body's core, my most wanted gift was the gift of love that includes touching my hurting back. Not one of my long-term boyfriend's have GENUINELY wanted to do give me the gift and service of touch where my body begs for it (my back), until I was over being with them. I never had money to pay for someone to give me massage, chiropractic or other care for longer than one session every couple years.
At 37, I realize that healing myself first is of utmost importance, I've known that for a long time, but I've found my way to give myself the gift it needs - praise intention! Maybe soon I will meet someone who wants to love me up, but then I won't "need" it anymore, it'll only be a sweetness, rather than a plea for help and begging for love.
I spoke with a psychic healer a couple years ago. She brought me through visualization meditations over the phone. She saw my back instantly, I did not tell her, she said "I see there is an imbalance in your core", I said yes, and we went on from there. She told me that after this session, the next two weeks I'd need extra loving, support and understanding.....
What happened is my Dad came over, and I was helping a male friend (just friend) with upkeeping his home (cat, etc.) while he was gone for "3 days", well the friend ended up being gone for 17 days, my Dad was at my house and it was too much for me to drive back and forth and skitter around my friend's ULTRA MESSY house. While I was at my friend's house, my leg got locked up, it was the 3rd or 4th time that happened, but this time, it didn't release. I butted my way around my friend's cold apartment with excruciating pain in my hip every move I made so that I could get to a telephone.
I was new in town, this was a new friend, I didn't know many people, I called around, people didn't have cars, they weren't home, or they didn't know how to get where I was. I was wanting to call the ambulance. Finally after several hours of my leg being locked up, I got a hold of a friend who was there and who could help me. She actually helped disabled people for a living, she was very kind and understanding, and we have had deeper relations with each other since.
She helped me pee, helped me into her car and drove me home. My Dad and her both helped me into my house (with excruciating pain), I took a bath to relax and ease the pain then I went to bed, I had a hard time getting into bed with help as well as the bath. I fell asleep. I was very happy I didn't call the ambulance.
The next morning the psychic healer called me and woke me up, my phone was near the bed, I had called her that evening before to see if she could help, but I didn't call the emergency line.
In one minute, she told me to look at my knee and tell it "I don't need this pain to be loved" and within that moment, my leg, hip, knee, sciatic literally popped back into place.
I don't need this pain of scoliosis to be loved. I don't need this pain to receive love. I don't have pain. I can move again like I could when I was in my 20s. I give the gift and service to myself, of somatic lessons, and they work.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Day 7
Summer full moon, mmm... was yesterday.
Having a stable home and life is paying off, I have been doing these exercises and I feel great. The twitching that I was having during days 1 - 4 is slowing down, the soreness is residing. Still there is soreness in the lower right side, just inside and above my hip. This place has been contracted and small and in an awkward position for a long while -- there wasn't enough room for my large intestines! Since I my muscles are feeling somewhat worked, moving in ways that they haven't, I have been slowing down on how deeply I go with my breath and my movements, really focusing on relaxing while releasing and slowly moving the muscles, feeling every fiber.
I notice that the right side of my back "the hump" takes most of the movement onto its muscles. I am feeling the right back of my rib cage begin to be more aware to its ability to move - very nice.
Already, my spine is straighter, I can lower my right side of my rib cage to the ground, it does it naturally now. I have more movement ability in all of my spine. Yoga is easier too.
Yoga has always helped, but somatics feels that it goes to the core. It teaches my muscles how to move, the ones that have been in the "void" stage of movement for so long, and no matter how much I stretched.
Having a stable home and life is paying off, I have been doing these exercises and I feel great. The twitching that I was having during days 1 - 4 is slowing down, the soreness is residing. Still there is soreness in the lower right side, just inside and above my hip. This place has been contracted and small and in an awkward position for a long while -- there wasn't enough room for my large intestines! Since I my muscles are feeling somewhat worked, moving in ways that they haven't, I have been slowing down on how deeply I go with my breath and my movements, really focusing on relaxing while releasing and slowly moving the muscles, feeling every fiber.
I notice that the right side of my back "the hump" takes most of the movement onto its muscles. I am feeling the right back of my rib cage begin to be more aware to its ability to move - very nice.
Already, my spine is straighter, I can lower my right side of my rib cage to the ground, it does it naturally now. I have more movement ability in all of my spine. Yoga is easier too.
Yoga has always helped, but somatics feels that it goes to the core. It teaches my muscles how to move, the ones that have been in the "void" stage of movement for so long, and no matter how much I stretched.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Day 6 (in the mix!)
Day 5, Day 6 they're beginning to happen faster than I realize. Today, just now, I had a great experience with my spine during the lessons. When I am to lift my head with my hands and arms while pressing my lower back to the ground (with knees up, feet on ground near coccyx): I breath deep on the arch up raising my belly, I get air all the way down to the belly, breathing in a full breath, then I slowly release the air as my head, hands and arms rise, air begins coming out from the top of my neck, down the neck down each vertebrae to the middle of my back, now my lower back is closer to the floor and starts touching down from the top of my lower back to the bottom until the end where I exhale the last bit of breath, then I receive it again, in the belly as my head lowers and my back begins to arch again, air fills up from the belly on up but it is always a constant flow to the belly from the mouth until the belly is full of air, ah, again, back down releasing the air from the top...mmmm, that's the ticket.
The fact that each vertebra can even touch the ground one at a time is significant and feels wonderful. The essence of each connection is allowed to ground.
The fact that each vertebra can even touch the ground one at a time is significant and feels wonderful. The essence of each connection is allowed to ground.
Day 5 (in the thrive)
Day 5, Lesson 5 I felt my left leg release. I always thought that it was my right leg that was too loose, but it was that my left leg was constantly held in a spasm. After doing some of the leg lengthening exercises, I lay to sense my body, my muscles, my inside and I noticed that I was holding my left leg in an upright position. I then consciously let go of the leg, and for the first time my left leg lay almost like my right leg when I lay down on my back. My right foot has always pivoted to the side in resting position, where as my left foot was more upright. I have felt what it is to relax it!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Day 4 (is sore!)
Perhaps parts of my body are sore because when Thomas Hanna writes in "Somatics" about sensing the body, "Try to make this movement as pleasurable as possible--like a child, lazily stretching. Or like a cat." I go for it, I stretch, I feel the deep movement in my body, I breath with it, I release, tingle, open and ahhhhh feel so good doing the stretches.
Sometimes he says to move the knees toward the head and the head toward the knees while I am exhaling and pressing my lower back into the ground. My knees and head are not far from each other and can touch. I've always been flexible, but this allows me to look deeper into the journey of the stretch, I notice where my shoulders are, how much I am pressing my back into the ground and where my hips are, how I can feel better doing this stretch, where it feels if I do it slightly differently, really sensing my body and my muscles in my back.
This is a very large gist of Somatics, this sensing part, to sense ourselves is a gift that we all have, we just don't give it time, patience and consciousness so often during this rat race life that we face in our culture. That's another thread.
But for me, it's definitely been a time I've been looking for to clear my plate enough and to create a sanctuary for myself so that I get down to healing my spine. I know it's possible and maybe not that hard.
When I got the Milwaukee brace at age 15, I would lie in bed feeling my spine straighten along the piece of plastic border that allows the brace to unvelcro in the back of it. I would breath deeply and visualize it being straight. My mother taught me that one and also I knew it deep inside me.
The next time I went to the doctor for an x-ray (only a couple to a few months after bracing), my spine was straight.
The doctor said "that's impossible, that can't happen, the brace doesn't do that, it'll go back to 'normal' (meaning crooked) again."
With that knowledge and that let down from a doctor who couldn't see a "miracle" or just the relaxation and persistence of mind within body, I let my little teen head be filled with his ideas and I rejected all this "witchcraft" of healing thyself!
Since then, I knew it was true, I could always find a time and space to heal myself. I used to say mind rhymes (affirmations), but there wasn't the true spirit of belief behind them, nor responsibility to care for myself.
It's been MOOOOOONNS!! Finally, I have a home, a sanctuary, steady work, regularity, a place to release, adjust, be in tune with myself and support from my friends and family.
May I continue to do this for the next 24 days, my spine already feels pretty straight at day 4, it's just the opening up of my guts that have been sitting in this wacky position for 23 years - that's where it's sore. In that gaping crevice of no body space that needs to be filled with my body, my bones and my guts.
See the pictures where my right rib looks all funky? Below that, the empty gap, that's where my guts are now filling in -- I believe!
Sometimes he says to move the knees toward the head and the head toward the knees while I am exhaling and pressing my lower back into the ground. My knees and head are not far from each other and can touch. I've always been flexible, but this allows me to look deeper into the journey of the stretch, I notice where my shoulders are, how much I am pressing my back into the ground and where my hips are, how I can feel better doing this stretch, where it feels if I do it slightly differently, really sensing my body and my muscles in my back.
This is a very large gist of Somatics, this sensing part, to sense ourselves is a gift that we all have, we just don't give it time, patience and consciousness so often during this rat race life that we face in our culture. That's another thread.
But for me, it's definitely been a time I've been looking for to clear my plate enough and to create a sanctuary for myself so that I get down to healing my spine. I know it's possible and maybe not that hard.
When I got the Milwaukee brace at age 15, I would lie in bed feeling my spine straighten along the piece of plastic border that allows the brace to unvelcro in the back of it. I would breath deeply and visualize it being straight. My mother taught me that one and also I knew it deep inside me.
The next time I went to the doctor for an x-ray (only a couple to a few months after bracing), my spine was straight.
The doctor said "that's impossible, that can't happen, the brace doesn't do that, it'll go back to 'normal' (meaning crooked) again."
With that knowledge and that let down from a doctor who couldn't see a "miracle" or just the relaxation and persistence of mind within body, I let my little teen head be filled with his ideas and I rejected all this "witchcraft" of healing thyself!
Since then, I knew it was true, I could always find a time and space to heal myself. I used to say mind rhymes (affirmations), but there wasn't the true spirit of belief behind them, nor responsibility to care for myself.
It's been MOOOOOONNS!! Finally, I have a home, a sanctuary, steady work, regularity, a place to release, adjust, be in tune with myself and support from my friends and family.
May I continue to do this for the next 24 days, my spine already feels pretty straight at day 4, it's just the opening up of my guts that have been sitting in this wacky position for 23 years - that's where it's sore. In that gaping crevice of no body space that needs to be filled with my body, my bones and my guts.
See the pictures where my right rib looks all funky? Below that, the empty gap, that's where my guts are now filling in -- I believe!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Bending Spine
Here I am bending over with the typical scoliosis bend check, this is a way to detect if one has it. This is the way I was screened when I was in 8th grade, the teacher (the nurses ran out of time with so many kids to screen) didn't see anything, but I thought I had it and insisted on going to the doctor, they x-rayed me and sure enough, I had it a little. It progressed quite a bit before I got the Milwaukee brace, with bars up the sides of my neck and a plastic cast around my body that I'd unscrew and velcro off for showers and swimming.
To check your spine take off shirt, bend over, and have someone review the spine. With scoliosis a deformity in the rib cage is noticeable - notice how one side of my back is higher than the other? It's scoliosis.
I call the left side "the hump" and that's where pain centers around "the spot" right next to my spine, I'd like to know which vertebrae that is, not successful in counting myself just yet....
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